I found a lab result on the Kaiser website from 2012 I never opened. I often struggle to remember the dates of the five days I was nearly killed by $1 sushi & could only lie in bed watching all the existing eps of Sons of Anarchy on an iPad, praying for death, so that was nice.

I do remember that watching, like, three seasons of that show continuously when not explosively voiding or slipping into fevered, tortured sleep did nothing to increase my desire to live. But part of me was, like, “you’re dumb enough to eat $1 sushi, you deserve this, too.”